Writer's Corner: Writer's Block?

Writer's Corner:

It's not writer's block, it's emotional avoidance of the topic at hand.

Happy Hump Day!!!!! I hope everyone is having a lovely work week! If not, then it's halfway over, so try not to fret. It will soon be Friday! Yay!

The weather is not so ideal in Michigan right now. Last week I was tasting summer and now I'm just tasting the corned beef sandwich that I am so siked to be eating right now. Zingerman's feeds me, and I really love them for that, cuz their food is the bomb!

Umm...yummy!

Once again, due to my lack of internet access, I was unable to post a blog entry yesterday. Happily, that means I will be posting two entries today! Yay!

So, it's writer's corner day on Discovering Sarah, and I would like to discuss a little issue I am having with writing one of my novels. The Rhesus Monkey Experience is a difficult novel to at times, because it involves subject matter that is emotionally difficult for me tackle. My initial instinct is not to think about it. Push it to the back of my mind. Just avoid the issue altogether. That is how I have made it through the majority of the past year without completely losing my marbles.

I wrote nine chapters in less than a month before coming to a necessary part in the story that I was not emotionally ready to deal with. Most people would probably consider this writer's block, but it doesn't really feel like that to me. Isn't writer's block that thing where you stare at a blank page for hours, unable to figure out what comes next in the plot. Typing and untyping every line, because nothing seems right? Yeah, that doesn't happen to me often. I am somehow able to spew words onto the digital page for hours at a time.

My problem feels completely different. I already know how the story goes. I've lived through it. I'm still living through the aftermath of the experience. It's just that it took months for me the get to a place where I could even think about it, let alone write about it. Anyone who knows me at all should know that I would have to be severely emotionally traumatized to get to the point where I can't talk about what is bothering me. Most of the time, you can't shut me up! My mouth flows like the Niagara, venting every uncomfortable or exciting feeling to the point that my friends need a poncho just to stand within ten feet of my emotional rain storm.

No, it's not writer's block, it's this thing I like to call writer's emotional avoidance of the topic at hand. Unfortunately, the thing about avoiding topics that are absolutely necessary to finishing a novel is that you will never finish your novel!

I am definitely committed to finishing my novel, so I've made a writing schedule. I've set aside a few days a week to work on that project. Even if I complete one sentence, that's progress. I am also aware that it may take therapy (Oy!) for me to be ready to tackle this issue, and I also realize that this particular novel covers events in my life that are still happening now. I don't even know how the darn thing is going to end yet! That's kinda weird really.

So, I'm writing and waiting, waiting and writing. In the meantime, I am diving into other projects that are not as traumatic, but just as exciting. I began a series of novels in 2009, which I think will be epic! I am writing my blog, I am writing poems, I have a couple short stories in the works, I am writing as much as possible and feeling stronger and happier every day. My writing is part of the therapeutic process.

As frustrating as it is to feel my creative flow being blocked by such negative emotions, I feel like everything that is happening in my life right now is for a reason. I'm not in control of anything. You know how people in church tell you to just let go and rely on God? “God will provide,” they say before providing proof via scripture (Mathew 6:26). I never was able to jump on board with that line of thinking.

God is not going to pay my rent, I thought. Perhaps that's true, but I have to say that I've never spent a single night on the street. I've always had clothes to wear, and so much food to eat that I was worried more about going on a diet than where my next meal was coming from. Even when living in West Willow with no refrigerator, no stove, no friends, and no money, I never went hungry. Strangers were offering me food, money, and rides on a daily basis.

The events of the past year seemed to allow me to let go of control to a point where I was able to be lead more easily. I stopped trying to force things to happen the way I thought they should happen, or to do what other people wanted me to do. I gave up on everything, and in the process found a new direction. There is only one pair of footsteps in the sand, and I'm pretty sure they're not my own.

So I'm being patient, and I'm confident that things will work out for me exactly the way it's supposed to, and I won't even have to force it. Though, it will take work, along with blood, sweat, and tears I'm sure.

One thing I'm sure of? Life will provide an ending to my story. I'm just along for the ride.