Spotlight on Homelessness: The Face of Homelessness

It's always interesting when people say to me, “You don't look homeless”. I guess that's a compliment, but it leaves me wondering, “What does homelessness look like?” Perhaps when people hear that word they are picturing a shaggy bearded man who hasn't showered in weeks, sleeping under a freeway overpass, and making a living by holding a cardboard sign that reads, “Will Work For Food”.

The fact is, homelessness does not have a look, but it does have many faces. An orphaned child suddenly becomes an adult, and his foster parents no longer feel responsible for him. A single mother has spent years fighting against poverty, but has recently lost the battle. A Big Three employee has assembled the hottest cars for years, but was laid off after training the replacement that will do his job for a third of his salary. A college graduate who is up to her ears in tuition loans, but can't find a job for more than minimum wage because her field is no longer in demand.

Sudden illness, death in the family, mental illness, addiction, outsourcing, the popping of the real estate bubble, and natural disaster are just a few of the reasons why one may find themselves sleeping in a commercial facility with several strangers; each with a story to tell.

Of course, I have run into plenty of the stereotypical types, as well; winos hanging around the Blake Transit Center in Ann Arbor--old hippies with beards down to their belly buttons, bottle caps clipped in their hair, and memories of Woodstock clinging to the forefront of their minds. You can usually smell them as they enter the cafeteria doors at the Delonis Center looking for a free meal before they return to their homey tent in Ann Arbor's Tent City.

Some people have a way of living that is different, but comfortable for them. Perhaps it's the only existence their addiction or debilitating mental illness will allow. Perhaps their ideals force them to reject the accepted norms of society and search out a simpler, less convoluted lifestyle.

My exposure to the world of homelessness has made me curious about people and their circumstances. What brought them to this point in their lives. What are their hopes and dreams, or did they stopping dreaming a long time ago? Each week I will try to shine my Spotlight on the individual faces of homelessness. How did we get here? Where do we go from here? Is this it? Is this the life we will lead until our creator decides we have walked this planet long enough?

I can't tell you how many people I have seen overdose, pray for God to end their suffering, or threaten to end their own lives. This life is hard for all of us, homeless or not, and we all have a story to tell. We have family somewhere. We have experiences that are ours and ours alone. We have lives that mean something, even when the scene of our meager existence is set in Tent City.

Maybe my purpose is to tell these stories, one by one, face by face, so that we are not so invisible anymore; so that people know who we are, where we came from, how we are still managing to fight for our lives though we are drowning in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a slowly sinking plank of wood to hang on to.

I will do the job I have been called to do. I will serve my purpose. Are you ready to listen?

Shout Out to all My Friends!

Happy Monday everyone! This weekend was gorgeous in Ann Arbor! Summer is so close, I can almost taste it.

(yum...tastes like strawberry ice cream)

Hopefully, everyone was able to enjoy their weekend (I know I did), but I'm happy it's Monday cuz I get to post another blogtastic blog entry!

Before I get into that, I would first like to apologize for not posting a vlog on Friday. I just purchased my new phone and had some technical difficulties posting from it. Hopefully those issues will get worked out this week, and I will be able to begin vlogging on Friday!

Anyhoo, poetry is the theme of the day, and I promised my friend and super awesome co-worker that I would write a poem dedicated to her. She was my very first blog follower and I totally appreciate her support and enthusiasm for my writing! Karynn is made of awesome juice, and I feel so fortunate to have met her as well as the rest of the crew at Zingerman's Mail Order. I have only been employed with ZMO since December, but everyone there already feels like family to me.

This poem was written with Karynn in mind, but it reflects how I feel about all my friends and co-workers. Love you guys!

Making true friends

In this crazy life

Is like finding a husband

Or a good wife.

When one comes along

And rarely they do

They will show you how much

They appreciate you

They'll tell you you're smart

Or that you're amazing

They'll tell you you're beautiful

And set your heart blazing

The most important thing

A good friend will do

Is tell you sincerely

How much they love you

I'm writing this poem

With good friends in mind

Who follow my blog

But don't lag behind

They're blazing the trail

Toward our destinies

And showing how great

A true friend can be

Stay away from that Charlie Sheen!!!

It's Thursday, everyone, and what is the best part of Thursday? Friday comes after it, and that's my favorite day of the week!

This Friday is going to be extra special for me, because I will be purchasing my new HTC phone.

Hallelujah!!!

Having a smartphone is going to make blogging much, much easier for me, because right now I have no WIFI connection at my house. Argh!!!! So annoying.

I have been bribing my friend to take me to Starbuck's everyday so I can run in, post my blog really quickly, and run out. To have the luxury of sitting at home with unlimited access to the internet will be beauteous. I will be an unstoppable force!

"What are you doing tonight Sarah?"
"Same thing I do every night; try to take over the world!"

I digress...

Anyway, today I would like to voice my humble opinion about someone who has made himself a very popular topic of discussion in the past month or so...

Charlie Sheen

Oh Mr. Sheen. Smh, where do I begin? It must be awesome to live in an alternate universe, where the only word you seem to understand is WINNING! On the surface, I can see how you would feel like you're a big fat winner. You have met all the criteria our society uses to judge success in life:

• Fame
• Fortune
• Big mansion
• Hot cars
• Beautiful women
• A hit television show
• A famous family

What more could a guy ask for right? I'm sure you feel like your ability to indulge in a substance that most people consider a “rich man's drug” just further supports your idea that you're totally winning, and everyone else is losing.

Well Mr. Sheen, I've never been an addict, but I would wager a guess that most people don't become addicted to drugs because they are super happy with their lives. You have fallen prey to the same false belief that many people share; that money and glutenous indulgence in all things physically satisfying will bring them happiness. However, when those people finally reach that ultimate level of indulgence, they are left wondering, “Now what? Where do I go from here?”. It's part of the human condition.

I actually feel bad for you Charlie. The publicity you are receiving right now may be good for your career (which says something about our society). Sold out shows and such. I'm sure you're thinking “Who needs a network television show? I'm a stand up comedian now!”.

You are a hot mess, Charlie! People are just lining up to watch you implode, and after you do they won't care anymore.

You are obviously searching desperately for love and affection, or you wouldn't be continuously getting married and remarried, popping out babies, and trying to prove to everybody that you're a winner. Hopefully one day, you will get yourself together and find what you are really looking for; absolute acceptance of who you are, and a happy loving family to grow old with.

Until then, I'm going to tell you like my Bible thumping friend (who actually attempted to bless me by smacking me over the head with a Bible) told me, “For the love of God, tighten up!”.

Writer's Corner

Happy hump day everyone!

As some of you may be aware, I was recently fortunate enough to be blessed with a laptop computer from a friend of mine at the Telluride House in Ann Arbor.

Every year the Telluride House awards scholarships for free room and board to select University of Michigan students. As a condition of the scholarship each student is required to give back by spending time volunteering in the community. One of the many ways the students have chosen to give back is by offering free University of Michigan concert tickets to Delonis Center residents.

Many of the residents had never experienced attending the symphony, or a piano recital, or a classical jazz ensemble before. Pretty much anyone who attended the concerts really enjoyed the opportunity to do something out of the ordinary and take their minds off of job searches, living with no income, depression, or whatever else might have been weighing heavily on their shoulders.

I, lover of music that I am, attended every concert I could possibly attend. It was at the classical jazz outing that I had the privilege of meeting “The Three Michaels”, who (as the phrase implies) were three guys named Michael who all lived at the house. Before every concert, the volunteers would take us to the Panera Bread on campus to treat us to a free meal as well as lively conversation.

Those guys are bursting with hilarity, I tell you!

It was during one of these discussions that I enthusiastically announced a writing project I was working on about my experience in a shelter and what has led me to this point in my life. One of the Michaels (African Michael as I like to call him) randomly sent me an email one day asking me if it would be easier for me to write my novel if I had a laptop.

Umm...let me think...drag my butt to the library everyday, flash drive in hand, praying that my semi dysfunctional brain doesn't somehow loose all my documents

VS

Have my own portable computer with my documents saved on the hard drive AND on my flash drive?

I think my answer went a little something like, “OMG! Thank you so much! That is really generous of you! Oh wow! Now I won't have to go to the library! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thanks again!” Needless to say, I was immensely thankful that he would think of me in that way.

The idea of resurrecting my blog actually came to me because I felt that the least I could do after receiving the most generous gift I have ever received in my life was to keep all the Michaels, as well as everyone else at the Telluride House, updated on my writing progress.

So, with that thought in mind, I decided to specifically dedicate Wednesday as a day to share snippets of my writing, and discuss things that frustrate or excite me about whatever project I am working on at the time.

A couple weeks ago a coworker said to me, “Sarah, you're a really strong person. I can't believe that after everything you're going through you still manage to come to work laughing and smiling. I don't know how you do it!”.

That comment surprised me, because I have never before felt as weak as I have during this past year. Yet, others still seem to view me as a pillar of strength. Sitting at my computer, I began writing a meditation about this subject that I would like to share in my first Writer's Corner blog entry.

As with every entry, I would love to hear your thoughts on this piece. Enjoy!

Strength

By: Sarah Lenore

.

What does it really mean when people tell me I'm strong? I hear it a lot, but I'm not convinced. What does it mean? That despite all the adversity I am still here? That I haven't jumped off a bridge or died of a sudden aneurysm caused by all the stress in my life? I'm not sure the fact that I'm still breathing makes me a strong person. Isn't that an function of the autonomic nervous system?

I actually feel like a hamster on a wheel, running as fast as I can but getting nowhere. It seems as if I achieve just as much running as I do standing still. What a conundrum!

I suspect that strength is not to be found while living life like a caged rodent trying desperately to work off the calories from the food pellets it just ate. The secret must be to get off the wheel and live life outside of the box and see where that takes me.

Problem is, I have been trying my whole life to figure out how to get off that damn wheel! Sure, it's easy in a hamster cage. You step off the cold metal onto plush cedar scented (and slightly urine soaked) wood chips, but my wheel seems to be hovering thousands above the clouds. I fear the inevitable descent into the unknown below. What is down there? I have asked that question continuously for years. The answer, I've decided, is that whatever is down there can't be worse than what is up here on this never ending wheel of doom (sounds scary doesn't it? Well it is!).

I think strength comes from the willingness to leap without knowing where you're going to land. I am in my twenty ninth year of life on this Earth, and I am finally taking that leap. I'm not even halfway down yet, but I already feel stronger. It's exciting and terrifying, but hopefully one day when someone says, “Sarah, you are so strong to have gone through so much, and still be here laughing and smiling!” I will be able to reply, “I know, right?!”

Spotlight On Homelessness

Homelessness is an issue that is near and dear to my heart. I have spent the past thirteen months living in shelters and surfing my friends' couches (not the best way to win friends and influence people). My current shelter experience is not the first, or second, but the third one in my lifetime. I reached a low point at the beginning of this year, and it wasn't until a good friend of mine decided to “bless” me by smacking me upside the head with a Bible that things began to turn around for me.

I began writing about my life experiences. It started with a simple truth; we all need to feel loved. One thing my life has taught me with a certainty is that the absence of caring, nurturing, and supportive bonds in our lives is a debilitating condition that can take years to recover from.

This initial thought lead me to write the prologue for my current novel. It began as a simple meditation; just me putting down in words things I had been feeling for a long time. The feedback I received after sharing it with several residents and employees at the shelter was amazing! Other residents told me I had expressed in one page exactly what was going on in their own heads. The social workers felt like it gave them insight into how it feels to be homeless that they had never gotten anywhere else.

For today's Spotlight On Homelessness, I have decided to share this piece with my readers. It is the only excerpt from my book that I will be sharing online for obvious reasons. It doesn't really have it's own title, however my book is tentatively entitled “The Rhesus Monkey Experience”.

You may be wondering, “where in the world that title came from?”.

No, it is not a book about monkeys...

or chocolate covered candy bars with a peanut butter center...




Rest assured, it will be explained promptly in the first chapter of the book. Fingers crossed, you will all have an opportunity to read the whole thing one day after it is published (and I receive an extremely large advance).

Until then, I think it would be interesting to see if someone can figure out what the title means on their own. I've given enough information in this blog for those who are astute enough to connect the dots. There may be a reward for whoever guesses correctly (Yay! Prizes!). However, if you are someone whom I have already explained this to, please do not respond. I don't think that's really fair, do you?

Without further adieu, here is the prologue to my unfinished book “The Rhesus Monkey Experience”:



The Rhesus Monkey Experience


Prologue

We each had different circumstances which brought us to this place. Of course, none of us wanted to be here, but we knew this was where we needed to be. For some of us, this was an equivalent to rehab. Name your poison: drugs, alcohol, pills, sex. Many of us had demons that we tried desperately to chase away. For some of us, this was a mental health facility; a place where we went screaming for someone, anyone to help us with whatever was wrong with our brains. We needed assistance with that malfunction that made us damn near want to open our skulls and fish around in there until we found the fucked up part and fix it for good.

Those that monitored this place thought it was all about work. If you just got a job, everything would be alright, but I’m not sure I knew one person for whom that was the case. We were all running from something, but couldn’t do it anymore. Our hearts were racing, our throats were burning, and we were gasping for air, searching desperately for an oasis. We hadn’t quite found all that, but what we had found was a family. We jokingly placed each other in the roles of brother, sister, mother, auntie, uncle, nephew, and so on.

On the surface, this was just a game we played. Our little shelter family, each member clinging to their respective baskets, and doing what they could to not let anyone else’s fall. The reality for many of us was that this was the closest we had ever had to an actual family. One that truly loved us, looked out for us, and wanted us to succeed.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I was meant to be in that place that made us wake up early every day (even on the weekend), that place that was almost like rehab, that place that didn’t always understand the extent of the malfunction in our brains. I was meant to be there, because on those four floors of the Delonis Center lived the only true family I had ever known: my shelter family.

This is Phenomenal!

Hello everyone! It is Monday and of course that means it's poetry day! This is super exciting to me, because I have always loved writing poems. I think it is one of the greatest and most raw forms of expressing emotion.

Every Monday I will post a poem either written by myself or a famous poet that I love. I welcome comments about each piece that I publish. Please be honest and constructive with your feedback. Everyday I am learning to hone my craft more and more and your constructive comments will definitely be invaluable to me in that effort.

In the spirit of girl power, I have chosen Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou as my piece for the week. Maya Angelou was my favorite poet as a child and still is today. This poem has always been an inspiration to me and I hope it moves you all as well. Enjoy!

Maya Angelou

Phenomenal Woman

By: Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And thejoy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,
It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I'm Back!

Okay, so I've been gone for a minute. Well, 2 years to be exact. A whole LOT has happened! I'm not going to bore you with all the details, but basically I have spent a year sofa surfing and living in homeless shelters trying desperately to figure out how my life has come to this and how I am ever going to repair it!

(This is my how-did-my-life-come-to-this-and-how-am-I-going-to-repair-it look)

I haven't quite figured it all out yet, but one thing I do know is that living my life for me is a MUST! Now that I have managed to get past all the depression and pity parties (they're not as fun as they sound), I am ready to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

I'll tell you what I do know. I love to sing. I love to write. I am an awesome friend. I have talents that need to be shared with the world. I am a stick of dynamite ready to explode at any moment, and when I do the world will be forever changed for the better!

(It's gonna be CrAzY!!!!)

This blog is one of the many ways I intend to light the fuse. I will share my poetry, discuss projects I am currently working on, shed some light on homelessness in and around the Ann Arbor, MI area, share my humble (and often humorous) opinions on things going on in the world, and (most importantly) enjoy myself.

I have developed the following format so you know what to expect each day you visit my blog:

• Mondays: Meditation Mondays- I will share poetry, meditations, and other random thoughts that may be weighing heavily on this crazy brain of mine.
• Tuesdays: Our Story; Homelessness in Ann Arbor- I will attempt to shed a light on the homeless situation in my community by sharing stories from people I know who are coping with this issue. What brought us here and what we are doing (or sometimes not doing) to change our lives.
• Wednesdays:  Writer's Corner- I will share the progress I am making on my current writing projects and perhaps ask for feedback.
• Thursdays: Story of the week- I will share my opinion on something that happened in the world, talk about my favorite celebrities, books, movies, etc...
• Friday: Vlog- As soon as I get my new HTC phone (hopefully next week) I will begin posting a video blog of me, probably acting dumb (cuz it's funny).

Please don't hesitate to give me feedback on this format in the comments section below. I'd love your input!

I am also going to be trying hard to get subscribers. My goal is 90 subscribers in 90 days, so everyone please subscribe to my blog and let your friends know too! I'm going to come up with something to give away in a raffle if I reach this goal. I'm thinking a gift certificate to somewhere. Let me know what you think!